Christians are straight up FREAKS
fuck, i never want to drink again I drunk dialed matt last night and broke up with him the second night in a row. FUCK QUADFEST
1. Call me if you need ANYTHING. 2. If you get tag teamed, I want details.
so evidently yelling "gay" everytime your bf tells you how he feels is cause for breakup. news to me
Fuck their fairy tale bullshit. I shall ruin it. With a few thrusts of my cock.
Howd you meet this guy?
I found him next to my pants on sunday morn.
He compared my vagina to the first time he tried cocaine
Noooo. I told you she WAS a cancer. Not that she HAS cancer. This was the one time being a doctor didnt get you laid you alcoholic bastard
When we were grinding I think your nuva ring fell into my shoe
I thought it was my alarm clock, turns out it was her vibrator still going off on the side of my face.
At one point I was convinced he was a snake and was going to eat me And I just accepted it
Do exhausted, barely concealed hand jobs count as joining the mile high club?
HE LEFT ME THE DAY AFTER I LET HIM PEE ON ME. If you date him after that, I'll leave the fucking PLANET.
I accidentally just texted my dad asking if he wants to do shrooms with me. Do I leave the city now or...
I have been adopted by a clan of drunken skinny dipping tourists.
Randomize
