ha. weirdest feeling ever. just wiped my ass with my non-dominant hand. (eating cheeseburger with right one)
Your grandmother is in heaven weeping.
it's just weird having a massive boner in the morning when you could have used it the night before.
Probably should plan this out. Step one: grow stache. Two: get trenchcoat. Three: Kidnap Selena Gomez.
I had better be fucking involved with step four.
Well he has a girlfriend. So I told him that I wanted to have sex way more than I wanted to be a decent human being.
Not sure. All I know is that she has a tight dark green skirt and I will not rest until I have used my teeth to rip it off of her
The woman in the hospital bed next to me just got diagnosed with flea bites on her vag.
Whaaaaaat? No way.
Now a discussion of pigs vs. dog as carrier.
My vagina is trying to run away to Boston without me.
So how was your new years? Did u ride a horse at 3am in zero degree weather? Because I sure did
I mean, you have to swipe right on someone you had sex with last week though, right?
now that we broke up we are playing hot potato with the cock ring.. Poor thing just needs a home
... drunk me broke the coffee table?
STOP TALKING ABOUT YOURSELF IN THE THIRD PERSON. YOU DID THE THING.
He's actually really cute and seems like a good guy. And given that he likes lots of drugs, he could come in handy.
I think my liver has finally had enough and is going all Ashley-Judd-in-a-Lifetime-movie on me.
Lunch?
Massage?
Spanking with handcuffs?
....even the bartender was embarrassed for her
Randomize
