The shirt is mine, the pants are mine, the bra not so much
Whenever I miss you I just turn on Tool Academy
he said he doesnt sext because the government can tap that kind of shit too. no boobie pics for him.
btw, i had a dream i drank 260-proof vodka last night. thank god that doesn't exist in real life.
I just don't want to have to pretend at every family function she brings him to that he didn't hit on me first
There was a dismembered bleeding penis in my dream last night. That's some serious Freudian shit.
I walked in on you rubbing your nose all over his face while straddling him and yelling "I'M SO SORRY!" repeatedly. I'd say you were in pretty good shape at that point in the night.
i feel like the wall was a canvas for his penis.
Wait..I think something else did happen last night my vagina is too pleased for this level of hangover..
I'm on my fifth cocktail in twenty minutes. I don't think I will end this on two legs.
Poking every semi-decent guy on Facebook in the hopes that one of them will want to hook up with me tonight. So far all i've accomplished is 5 new poke wars which i will most certainly continue after this weekend.
this hangover isn't hhappening. im not letting it
its winning. its definitely happening
Worse than that. I caught my roommate jerking off to a topless stripper in gta 5.
my mom just came into my room and handed me a news paper article about women on the verge of a drinking problem... i can already tell its not about to be sunday funday
Someone signed my nipple.
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