the beat of "birthday sex" is shockingly similar to my dry heaving rhythm. it's making me nauseous all over again.
hot twin vs twin who's good in bed. why do my life choices same way unfair
Been at work for four hours and just discovered the chairs in my office double as a napping surface. Most productive thing I've done all day
Yeah that's one way to look at it on the other hand MY FUCKING BED CAUGHT ON FUCKING FIRE
I owe you a thank you for last night. Only you could go up to a guy, ask if he likes my boobs, and return later to find us in a full on dance floor makeout sesh. Well played.
Looks like breakfast in bed is out the window. She can't get up because I "fucked her into paralysis." My stomach is not happy with my dick right now
Oh man, are we repeating last 4th of July?!
That shouldn't even be a question, it's a tradition now. Hope your manhood is ready.
I achieved maximum drunk last night. It was pretty extreme. Woke up on a couch, outside, in a suit
when I was walking home I wad so excited to see a cat on the sidewalk but it was really a traffic cone
After last night I never want to be in the back of a cop car again. No leg room.
NO FUCKING RANDOMS IN AN ALLEY
The man built me a fort. Of course he got laid.
she's pretty fucking smug for someone who has had unprotected sex with a convicted felon
There is a french fry attached to my steering wheel and a note that says "eat me yum yum" can you explain this?
Sadly my Summer of Cocks is coming to an end
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