so i just drove past a racoon and a kid on a long board... god i love 4am white castle runs
The mystery has been solved. Seagulls have sex doggy-style.
Just looking for some anal play. An attempting to read atonement. The highbrow/lowbrow divide is striking.
This morning I proved to myself and all the kids on the playground that I can't puke and drive.
I basically get to watch her life fall apart via tumblr updates
I cagt a turtle and named him squirt. He's in my bathtub Caleb is feeding me peaches! This is the most beautiful vodka Thursday ever!
Well he has a girlfriend. So I told him that I wanted to have sex way more than I wanted to be a decent human being.
Judge me...This apron fits PERFECTLY when I have no clothes on
Who said I was judging? More like congratulating.
True that.. I am going to ride a gold plated unicorn across a field of cocaine and coach purses when I graduate.
That was beautiful.
I just flicked a lizard out of the window with a bud light in one hand and spatula inthe other...dont tell me you dont miss the south
she just stared at nothing and then looked at me and goes, "that's a weird place to put the wall"
After you threw up you would repeatedly say "napkin" like a siren until somebody got you a fucking napkin.
just saw a sign in the bar that says "no more naked fridays". Where the fuck was I on these naked fridays?
I just realized I donated our bong to goodwill.. RIP Kimbo Slice
You suck, She hit so hard.
So I stole cocaine from one of my Tinder hookups
And that is the most millennial sentence I've ever said
Randomize
