Got a plan. Ill do rock paper scissors and if you win we smoke a joint. Throw rock.
I am currently trying to use a tide to go pen to remove the jizz from my backseat, it's not working...
I told my girl, that I use to jerk off to Star Trek. All she says is, "Oh my gawd, you're such a trekie!". If I was her, I'd be weirded out more than me being a Trek Fan.
whatever. i fb stalked him and his pic comments are witty. so i'm going for it.
the beat of "birthday sex" is shockingly similar to my dry heaving rhythm. it's making me nauseous all over again.
boyfriend # 1 is in the bathroom and boyfriend # 2 is ringing the doorbell need back up this is not a drill i repeat this is not a drill
He warned me he may piss the bed. I'm oddly okay with this.
just stole 2 cases of forties from some freshman in the woods by pretending to be a cop. that ten dollar spotlight is really turning a profit
I need to find another hobby that doesn't include being hungover.
I just gave parenting advice and had a discussion about the distribution of wealth in america...in a bar. I'm starting to think its me and not you lol
He'd rather cuddle with his shitty little miniature dog than the half naked girl in his bed. I've lost all hope for him and my vagina
He's drinking on a hospital bracelet, the fuck's your excuse?
I feel as if some line has been crossed, but only in this vague, WTF sort of way.
you blew the guy with all the harry potter paraphanelia didn't you
Yeah everywhere i go i feel like a 3rd or 5th or (2n+1)th wheel. That's right, i'm a mathematically depressed drunk.
Randomize
