Thats a flattering suggestion doug but lets be clear NO you may not put your face in my vagina just because ur not charging me a cover. sorry.
Apparently I added "small children" to my likes on facebook. glad to know that's where my subconscious is at.
And then he asked the cop "shall i shut off the lady gaga?" as he was being frisked.
Just made a makeshift menthol by rolling a listerine strip into a regular cigarette... Poor? Who, me?
Got hit on at a funeral service by cougar. I think I just got Reverse Will Ferrell'd.
I bought a dress specifically for face plant durability... this is how serious I am about my drunk status this weekend
I take your lack of response to mean that your hands are taped to 40 ounces of something.
she puked ON me while she was on top, worst holiday hookup ever
in other news i'm homewrecking via instagram
Sorry for rubbing my feet on you and repeating "good pony, stay."
Would you mind pretending to be lesbians just for like three emails?
Nothing says male bonding like watching porn with your grandpa
you licked my face then when I finally got you to the bathroom, mid puke you said you liked the taste of my foundation.....you weren't drunk at all....
There's a 50-50 shot that I will wake up with an ass tattoo tomorrow.
Why do I know about what dicks have been in your mouth but didn't know you had a dog? What kind of friends are we??
Randomize
