proudest moment: just made a guy walk into a parked car with his mouth hanging open cause of the shirt im wearing.
imagine playing with puppies while we're drunk.
Like... we could film it and put like, "do you believe in magic" as the backround song and it would be complete joy.
She never called back. Financed a fleshlight.
sellin beer in gallon jugs is both the best and worst idea ever. Im only gonna have one beer...but its gonna be 128 ounces.
Just bought lingerie with the intention of wearing it as a shirt. It's going to be that kind of weekend.
Yea.. I remember nothing. Except that the taxi driver was 56 years old and apparently never cheated on his wife.
So recap time do u remember biting that girls hand?
Sometimes one must go to great lengths and make great sacrifices to get drunk. I willingly accept the challenge.
yeah, but the first step is admitting you have a problem, the next step is kidnapping him
No she had like 2 shots and started ironing her clothes and whispering random shit in my ear
Biggg time. I found 2 empty packages of extenze in my car this am.... not sure what that was all about
Please tell me that all of the things I remember doing last night didn't really happen. Please.
I was in a competition with shots tonight...shots won.
I want to die, ON THAT, with that INSIDE ME. ironically, I sense that would be the only time I'd feel alive.
You tried to stop drinking but then she started feeding you tequila with a spoon. You were like an adorable baby bird.
Randomize
