On friday while at the hotel bar by myself (creepy) I made friends w/ a millionaire who said he may be running for the position of mayor in richmond va (likely a lie). At one point during our discourse he asked if I was crazy. In the effort of full disclosure I looked him in the eye and said yes
I don't know what prompted his inquiry, clearly this man had impeccable intuition
She just sent me a picture of a heart. I need to stop fucking freshman...
Four minutes until I can fart!
Thank you for holding my vodka while the police let me ride their horse.
Just got kicked in the balls by a girl in tap shoes. Fuck EVERYTHING
I know man...but i cant pass up a catholic school girl fantasy
he pretended not to hear me say our safety word. how do you think I feel?
I should have taken pre-gaming this lunch date more seriously.
Not drinking has really freed up a lot of my time. I made a bracelet yesterday. I miss bars.
This tiny Canadian guy just tipped me $20, a piece of gum, and a joint. I wasn't working. He literally tipped me for talking to him.
She curled up in the corner, screamed "THE BLANKET IS SO WARM" and promptly passed out with her face in the dogbed. No one bothered to reposition her.
The bag I'm bringing home for the weekend: a change of clothes, workout shoes, and sex toys, that's it.
I never thought I'd have to apologize for tasting like absinthe and cheetos before tonight
I could have been on my second lucrative divorce by now, but nooooo, I had to be a strong independent woman.
For the record, if you sneeze while you have a dildo in your vagina and you dont have a good grip on it, that thing can get some distance.
Randomize
