You're the only person with a favorite bar in Disneyworld
Watching marley and me... this girls got me whipped man
advice for life: when the cop takes your tallboy, don't ask for your coozy back
She just passive-aggressively stripped in the kitchen while humming the theme to Doug.
He gave me a hug and said "He doesn't deserve you, Anna. Your boobs are great, and I'd fuck you anytime. Any. Place." I need a new 'gay' friend.
yeah we were the ones eating jello shots out of the back of a jeep in the bar parking lot
I think there's a website warning girls about me based on the 4 who approached me separately tonight and called me evil. Fuckyoudave.com?
Passing out is my livers way of protecting my mind.
I'm pretty sure we scarred one of our coworkers. This is the second time he has caught us both fully undressed and banging at work.
Either he has bad timing or he wants to join.
Serious question: when you had my right nipple in your mouth, did my nipple ring have both of the balls on it, or was it missing one. Current situation: missing one.
When you can pee with one hand accurately while texting, you drink too much.
Just realized i left my bra at his house. WHY do i suck at one night stands?!
Spotted: shirtless guy wearing cut-off hot shorts, 1 cowboy boot and a sombrero puking in a bush while his friend yelled 'stop being a bitch" from the sidewalk'. Happy 4th of July 'merica!
Happy Halloween!! Last Halloween we spent together you got brought home in a shopping cart
I just saw a woman give her infant whiskey tits. About ten minutes ago she was doing shots, and now she's breast feeding. Whiskey. Tits.
Randomize
