I was staring at you from my window across the quad. I wanted to let you know so it's not creepy
we're getting ready to take strippers to breakfast. I love my life.
It's amazing how much jurassic park has contributed to my life recently
he said "you're pretty" then i made out with him. thats all it took
Do you ever look back at facebook pics and say, "are those really guys I had sex with?"
dont worry about it. i always have emergency bong water with me
We'll probably be arrested for having a cheetah in our apartment anyway, so I say go for it.
stopped you just in time from sledding down the roof.
Dude between pissing everywhere and all of those frogs, that bathroom got wrecked.
I knew it was time to stop when you guys were playing a drinking game called "every three steps take a drink"
He also gave me two gold stars for sex. On my nipples.
My day in three words: secret purse cake
His constant posting of "inspirational" Taylor Swift quotes over the past 3 days has me a little worried. It's like, holy shit dude, you're almost 30.
I told her I had a small penis. Then replied if Peter Pan won with a dagger then so can I
Sorry I told all the other bridesmaids you were an asshole. I had had a few drinks and it's how I felt at the time.
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