I had a dream that I had 21 friend requests. it was the best day
I left a cheeto on everyone's car trailing to the house i'm at, hanzel and gretel style.
I told her I'd give her some of the cream I was using so she didn't get my warts. That's when I realized I was too drunk.
you don't seem to understand just how much pasta i spilled on my bed last night.
the fact that you could barely do more than slur incoherent sentences didn't stop you from correcting her grammar
There's a certain level of slut that i can handle.... I think she just broke that scale
I just found what appears to be a tooth in my purse...anybody missing one?
Im positive, your name was on my abdomen, Im pretty sure thats solid evidence
Cut a hole in the crotch of my onesie so we could have sex without me getting cold. Best decision of my life.
What is this nonsense on the table
Your idea.
I mean the hole taco that was chewed up and spit out
Thought about you all night last night, then I fucked the shit out of my boyfriend. Win win for me.
Friend as in 'I used to have sex with her' or friend as in 'I still want to have sex with her'?
I can't have my last hookup before 21 have been behind a dumpster
If a weird guy texts you in the near future asking if you are satan just go with it
Just so we're clear, drunk and naked is not appropriate attire for Thanksgiving. Do it this year and Grandma will ban you for life.
Randomize
