i'm signing you up for texting rehab
the sex wasnt even worth changing my sheets
are you sure you're not interested? he's the dunkin donuts employee of the month.
Yeah he had his two razors labeled "face" and "pubes". Should I be disgusted or impressed?
She checked into foursquare right as she left work so he would think she was there late and not on some other guy's dick
I have to say for barely passing high school, that girl is a genius.
You never did explain why you were in wal-mart with a wok full of popcorn.
you took my bottle from me saying i was unprepared for its magical qualities. then you buckled it in the backseat.
He had seven beers and tap-danced on the table like a pro. HOW DOES HE DO IT
Your either lost or getting food, if your lost find me a girl on your way back, if your getting food grab me a double cheese
Brown or brunette? Ketchup or mustard?
I love you bro
She tied her key to her bra the night before and couldn't get it off while trying to open the door this morning so she just took her bra off and let it tangle from the key while unlocking the door...the old Indian couple next door were shocked.
Somehow I've got the party rigged to where I get a foot massage every time someone wants a beer out of the fridge. Hellz yeah
I want to just live in between your butt cheeks.
You know if we weren't hooking up I think we'd actually be friends
The dominoes guy came back thirty mins later to ask me out. I guess he figures if I'm eating pizza alone I must have gotten dumped
Would it be rude to use my vibrator? like he forfeited his right to be mad when he left me orgasmless...right?
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