Writing my paper on freud at bar
??
Going up to girls and asking if they were anal explosive or anal retentive as children
Smooth
You should never have let annie watch you have sex with other women
I hope so. I just start to question my lifestyle when i pee on coffee tables
Let's just cut to the chase. I'm not interested in anything romantic but I aAM interested in Tom Petty and maybe getting high and fucking you again for old times sake.
We've done the math and the dogs tails are wagging at a rate of 3000 wags per hour. Stoned.
I thought he was joking about the hundred beer challenge until two guys showed up with a camera and boom mic. This cabin party is going to be fucked
Cuz its complicated and I hate complicated and I miss your penis
I learned something last night. Strippers can be on house arrest?
We had to take the hinges off the bathroom door. Needless to say, you are no longer welcome at that bar
Most desperate stoner moment; dropped our hard earned resin ball in the sand, rinsed it off and then did knife hits in the kitchen cuz we broke our only pipe
Got really high to see my fist college experience unfold. Too high to find my classroom but I found the McDonald's down the street
Status: mom bitching about grandma not shutting the fuck up, while not shutting the fuck up. Dear Jesus give me strength or more bourbon.
Stop calling my penis "Fat Jesus"
Pretty sure I just scored Election Day sex based on the theory that if either of these fools win the world as we know it is over so we might as well get a few orgasms in...
I'm hungover from the 8pm vodka and still drunk from the 5am beer.
Randomize
