I just tried to unlock my house with the car remote
dude i feel like shit
well u did eat a lot of play-doh
i think im having one of those erections lasting four or more hours
I almost masterbated to the avatar love scene ha it was so hot
I love my roommate; her alcohol problem, her proclivity for passing out on the living room couch, and her fucking awesome size d tits that can never remain clothed. Craigslist jackpot.
martini and pecan pie.. breakfast of champions.
We tried to make a sex tape, but we were hammered and she forgot to take the cap off the camera. Somebody starts snoring 10 minutes in.
last night he took my thong off with his teeth... god bless champagne
My catholic guilt is strong, but the alcohol is stronger.
We're going to catch a squirrel this summer
Masturbated before I came into work and now the finger scanner won't clock me in. Fuck Valentines Day.
I just wanna get high and take a fucking awesome nap. Those are my goals for the week.
TELL HER ABOUT THE GODDAMNED MOTHERFUCKING POTATOES
who gets drunk at chipotle by noon and then gets kicked out? this chick.
There were 16 girls and 31 titties. That’s how the club was. Lance doesn’t get to decide ever again.
Randomize
