Prostitute standing on the corner thrusting at cars as they drive by. New marketing strategy?
If i off myself, it'll be in a lobster costume in the hot tub with butter...
This girl in my class is wearing a sweatshirt that says "LEAD ME NOT INTO TEMPTATION" ahaha I almost just laughed out loud. We could never be friends
they have pregnancy tests at the dollar store
I feel like that is one of those things that you should not cheap out on.
I don't care how high you are, you can't finger me while eating potato chips.
You're like my zumba instructor for alcoholism right now
I'm not driving across town for three thrusts and an excuse
How do you explain to a guy that he's like a little puppy dog that you play with, but then leave at the shelter to go home to your German Shepard?
Okay well we need to be adults. We're gonna end up with diabetes or some shit.
I'm about to take my 7th shot and I have to to go to dinner with my grandma in an half hour. What is my life.
I don't think my professor is going to remember the Halloween party... or the fact that he made out with a priest.
I am literally so hung over that I just opened up my emergency kit, got out a survival meal replacement bar and ate it.
College is really paying off. I am gonna be a great teacher. I just made a grading sheet for weed. This shit got an A.
Juice tastes so weird without alcohol
My FIANCE just told me he thought you were the prettiest out of all my friends YOU WHORE
Randomize
