Just got back from doctors appt. He lied. It wasn't a pimple on his dick.
i'm going to be one of those im-wearing-a-shirt-as-a-dress girls today. dont make fun of me, i need laid
i really should have bought real food rather than condoms, olives, coleslaw and beer...
My prof gave me extra credit for drawing a ninja on my paper and writing "ninja will up my grade"
I say we start a new tradition. I came up with it all by myself. It's called work out, lay out, black out
I am stoned and listening to the Olympics music I downloaded on Saturday. Best 6 dollars I have ever spent.
I will be single by the day my lease is up (234 days). Plan accordingly.
Sheila knows I only go down on her on Bastille Day. Valentine's Day we get high and watch The Neverending Story. THE SYSTEM WORKS.
you can't get cum all over my hair and then tell me you just want to be friends
This kid wants me to stop partying. Like I have only known you for 5 days. Chill.
Black magic does not go near my vagina, it's a rule
I'm at a Tim Horton's and two girls just came in handcuffed to eachother
Can you send me the picture of me licking the cows udders?
As your boyfriend, I'm gonna congratulate you on winning that fist fight. But as a cop, I have to tell you to not do that again.
Last night we proved the theory that "harder" is the worst rough sex safe-word ever.
Randomize
