I wish i could tell a story about guys I know without the phrase "and then I blew him." coming up.
I just saw a woman point to her daughter and scream at her husband THIS IS YOUR GENES, THIS IS YOU.
Her divorce is going to cut into the amount of time we spend fucking.
I'm in awe of how selfish that is.
All i remember is people cheering me on to drink faster than the dog, out of the dog's bowl. I just couldn't stop.
It's great having no responsibilities. In normal life I would be freaking the fuck out right about now. But the only worry I have from last night is where i got this shower caddy full of cookies. God I love college.
I got asked if I was pregnant as a pickup line
Is everything ok? Last time I missed your call you were being arrested.
I think I'm going to go into my next therapy session with hot client with my fly down and when he tells me about it I'm going to say "how did that happen?!" and then porn music will start to play.
Xanax and an ambien. And wine. I'm just waiting for mouth to mouth from some hot EMT. Sort of like the slutty girls version of sleeping beauty
Do I have to formally apologize to Brett for flashing him?
Yes but funny for a 45 year old hell bent on reliving her college days by giving body shots and hand jobs. Not necessarily in that order
He saw one of my bras on the floor and said "damn you could eat soup out of this"
When I meet her I'm going to have to resist the urge of saying "hey! We're Eskimo sisters!"
You’ll (maybe) appreciate that I picked at my ingrown hair again. Quarantine updates are getting BLEAK.
Dick is dick. I’m not turning it down because he’s younger than me. Covid has been a real cockblock and I’m a woman with needs
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