i just ordered a pitcher of margaritas for me and a friend but she called and canceled. oh well, looks like im getting trashed alone.
the waiter who hardly speaks english told me "i go get your medicine now"
this medicine is soooo good.
These people need to leave so I can have rum and Doritos at work like every other American.
Hahaha you puked all over his shirt.
You puked in the planter and everyone saw your snatch.
Well someones bitter they didn't get any.
he went up stairs with nothing on but calvin klein's and an eskimo hat, said hi to her dad, got a doughnut, and left like it was an everyday thing
i don't know how it's possible. but i just bought groceries for a week with the money i made off returning empties
I FUCKING SERVED PEOPLE AND POURDED JUGS AND GOT FREE BEEEEEEEERERTERRY
I'm currently making some changes in my life. If you don't hear from me anymore, then you're probably one of them. Or I'm dead.
I don't know... But I do think this is probably the longest series of texts we've written discussing your cock. David was right, it is a brave new world. Also, slow day at work again?
I figured it out. If I have at least 4 shots of vodka before I start my day, EVERY day will be a good day.
so exactly what is concert sex etiquette? Before, during or after???
all of the above
You should know two things about me,,,1) I am highly sexual and 2) I am HIGHLY competitive so you telling me about how much sex you had with the other girl makes me say "challenge accepted"... you should hydrate.
Well, I just bought plan b with the tips I made from the job that I slept with my manager. So yeah, that's my life. How's yours?
The guys who program Autocorrect have never seen a vagina in person
Have you ever thrown up in the middle of your hair appointment? Cause I have..
Oh my god.. Saw a commercial for Captain Morgan. Made me gag a little bit.
Randomize
