I want to walk on stilts...naked
You lit the bowl with a rolled up paper towel that you ignited on the stove.
just puked in a purse in the store. some girl asked if i was gonna buy it now and i laughed and asked her why id want a bag some dude just puked in. her face looked like she saw the devil.
his Mom's staying with him so he asked if I'd go over and fuck in his shed. he said "it's a really nice shed"
Literally just spent 45 minutes converting my paintball gun to shoot condoms....
You kept saying thank you to the automatic toilet as it flushed your puke.
we've been doin it since '07. it's like married sex now, were both comfortable so neither of us really tries anymore, we just do it because it's convenient
She said I told her "I'm to drunk to take your bra off." then she said I walked out completely naked to go watch tv.
So. Do you think marshmallow vodka in hot chocolate while eating a graham cracker would = s'mores?
In some strange universe, yes
Got laid last night using the intro line of "rate your hurricane evacuation plan on a scale of 1-10"
My mom comes home from her weekend with her lesbian co-workers and asks "You wanna know how I got these bruises?" I've never been more torn about anything EVER.
I need to start using my boobs for good instead of weed. Although really they're kind of the same thing
Whoever decided to put a Denny's that close to the strip club is a genius.
i tried giving myself a bikini wax.1. i hate you 2. i think i'm dying
YOU GOT ME SO DRUNKK
i got me so drunk!
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