it's too hot outside to masturbate.
Alls I know is that his gf looked like Beyonce and he looked like Babar
community service is like the breakfast club... except we're all the criminal.
there should be a national holiday dedicated to how high i am
All I know is I had a penis in one hand a bottle of wine in the other
The puppy is a lightweight. 3 beers and he's passed out on the floor already. I repeat, the puppy is a lightweight.
You can do it. What doesn't kill us just drives us to drink
he just looked at me, said "i think i'll keep you around, you put the seat back up and everything," and then burst into tears.
Reading an example in the GRE study book referencing Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles while wearing TMNT pajamas. *airfist*
omg please tell me you're eating pizza right now too.
So your brother is gay after all... Just caught him making out with my brother... Apparently he's gay too
Did you ever think you lost your bong and then you find it in the weirdest place? I mean, who leaves their bong in the shower?
Did you pee in the oven last night??
Who else has a jello penis in their fridge?!
Hey! Its not the first time I've been eaten out in a bridesmaids dress in a church by a groomsman!
Just think how much she’ll hate me when she finds out I fucked her father
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