I love my bros weed
Im gonna hate it in like 20 mins though
I just saw a midget ride by on a scooter...wearing a bowtie and a helmet. My life is complete.
He did a double fist pump when he discovered the Magnums fit and skipped back towards the bed.
A lesson I learned in the hospital....when you masturbate while attached to a heart monitor, it scares the nurses a lot.
You are forgiven. I sent you a picture of a pumpkin man as a gesture of reconciliation.
ill do whatever it takes for me to get more high and eat pie
Your tequila is gone. I suggest you bring more home before you go out for dinner. Money is taped to mailbox.
Just heard one of my friends say, "if you're trying to take advantage of me I really dont care. I just want this beer." ..
I just spend twenty minutes scrubing the "Happy Birthday" off of my vagina. He's never gonna forget this.
Probably twitter. Never underestimate a psycho girl with wifi
I was like a damn cattle dog, I separated all the sheep, I can wing man for anyone on this campus.
I sent my roommate a text from MY phone that said, "I don't know where my phone is." Must've been a good night.
Just got home, my brothers stoned and he got a high score on COD.. He just asked me if I wanted to have a celebrational yogurt with him. Wtf?
But I only have 2 emotions angry and horny
Today will be the day I throw up in my backpack in the middle of class
Randomize
