ur penis kinda felt like a vagina to me
Just talked to the girl you brought home from the bar last night while she was looking for her panties. She said to tell you "nice try".
At what point should i just give my brother a break and stop sleeping with his friends?
can you come back were all locked out and alyssia's still inside passed out on the floor but more importantly i left a beer in there that's not finished
I did nothing besides stay sober all night, I walked home to find max naked knocking cups off the counter with his cock lol
LOVE ME LIKE A KANGARO LOVES A POUCH YOU DUMB CUNT
Oh god I just realized bird face had che Guevara tattooed on her upper arm. Deals off, readivised opinion
I cannot believe this. A potential 2016 Olympiad wants my vag. To which I respond "GO FOR THE GOLD"
you have to be that girl in the audience holding up the sign that says i fucked the shit out of you
wearing my old cheerleader outfit to the bar was a great way to get free drinks. i should do this more often
I need something for rope burns and an inner ear infection. Separate incidents, FYI..
Opened my notebook to coke all over the pages. So, if that's any indication on how this weekend went.
So we decided we're going to stop having sex...except for tonight. And probably tomorrow.
All I know is that I have a black eye and an extra $200 in my wallet. Other than that, clueless.
I'm no doctor but I don't think balls are supposed to look like that.
So glad I can hide money in my wallet and drunk me is too stupid to find it. Hangover sushi ftw.
Randomize
