bar tonight had a doorbell to get in and last night i saw my neighbors fuck on the balcony, she wore a nurse outfit. Missouri isn't so bad...
Does it count as a shower if I just sat in the tub singing I'm a Little Teapot?
is it a bad thing if he can only get off when i start talking like one of the girls from Jersey Shore??
So, apparently, "i expected your penis to be bigger" isn't good pillow talk.
I just saw on the news, this guy tried to smuggle coke in a bouquet of roses... and to think I used to hate valentines day.
Katy Perry is on a Proactiv commercial. That "I kissed a girl" shit is so much less hot now.
i wanna pet his head its so fluffy. were gonna open a petting zoo
Okay do all 29 year olds have erectile dysfunction or just the two I've slept with?
We don't have the same problems as normal people do we?
I just bought a bottle of lube for my car.
He added me on LinkedIn while I was baking weed brownies in the boxers he left here... Is this adulthood?
Look, I tried but his dick tasted like disappointment.
He accepted my bet of 5 bucks to bike home completely naked. Never got asked about the 5 bucks, guess he enjoyed it too much
Dude you were so wasted you thought a fake electric candle was real and tried to light your cig with it. Multiple times.
Do you remember vividly describing the shape and girth of my cock to that girl last night?
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