So he flipped me over and suddenly went limp then told me he was thinking about his ex.
so you punched his junk, right?
On my arm I have 12 dashes, and below is written "plus 2 pretty stout whiskey drinks, so, you be the judge"
i just wasnt prepared to have the baby of one of two french firemen. threesomes are too confusing.
My penis has a 100% approval rating. He has never received a formal complaint. If you'd like to file one, you can go fuck yourself.
I was like a migrating bird last night. Navigating on pure instinct. Don't remember how... but I made it home.
Do you remember our dinosaur noises from last night ? Breaaaahhhhhppp
I know I've wanted to fuck him for the past month, but when you're that hungover, the only chemistry you have is with a pillow and a gallon of water.
I got my dick out in a gay bar for just one free shot. I didn't know I could be bought so cheap
I got drunk and slept with the guy who looks like Jesus.
Typical.
Is there a greeting card for "I can't keep being The Other Woman"?
You were yelling at the mannequin and saying "DON'T LOOK AT ME"
I tried to take a cute nude but sneezed halfway through. I sent it anyway
Fucking adderall I just talked at the security guard for 90 minutes
Fun fact. I just wrapped myself in wrapping paper for a sext. Is this a new high or a new low stay tuned.
Tomorrow I'm going to tape my thumbs to my palms and my biceps to my abdomen to learn what it's like to be a t-rex for a day. Anyone else in?
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