we were exchanging secrets last night... she told me about how she put markers in her vaj in middle school. found a keeper.
How come ATM is perfectly acceptable, yet not washing your hands after you poo is socially reprehensible?
this is going to sound stupid but when I was drunk and thought I was a stripper where I did toss my pants?
Could someone please kill snooki before she contributes to the gene pool.
You should have been there. We got drunk and threw a sword through his windshield.
I know everyone screamed lady cop instead of cops. I wanted to apologize to her for our chauvinism
I think the pivotal moment was when we used the see and say as a drinking game with shots of whiskey. It was all downhill after that.
There are two types of people in this world I don't trust: people who collect stamps, and people who don't drink
I'm sorry I peed on the bushes at your law firm. Is there anyway you could defend me for the ticket I'm about to get?
Got a minor my first day of college from the bike police. I'm gonna like it here
Stop chatting and get in the fucking car. I didn't get my asexual ass out of bed just to watch you flirt and fail with someone you're never going to see again.
So you were shitfaced and stole a fucking kayak?
Bruh. He just said the words "cyber sex"-is it 1999?
She grinded so hard on my face that I've got rugburn on both eyelids
I just want to get high and watch Dr. Pimple Popper.
Randomize
