Just fucked a hooker at a motel in New Jersey. Two states down, 48 to go.
I was amazed that you fell flat on your ass and still managed not to spill them drinks in your hands. Your getting good at this.
You do realize it's a Tuesday, right?
You do realize I stopped giving a fuck about calendars when I was 10, right? And besides, it could be the best Tuesday of your life.
His shopping cart was nothing but malt liquor and zucchini.
just peed on my foot to get a spider off. that lazy.
Is percocet and coffee considered a balanced breakfast?
Everything's a blur with pockets full of jello
I really hope you didn't eat the bowl of melted vanilla ice cream I left on the coffee table. Because it is not melted vanilla ice cream.
I'm over my straight phase. They all turned out to be idiots and none of them got me off. I'm going back to hot girls with strap ons.
Side note: the physics of a guy my size and age getting laid in the backseat of a Toyota Camry are absolutely staggering
Next year for Halloween you can be the sword swallower, with a penis shaped sword.
And then you two got up and shouted in near perfect unison "I'M ALWAYS A SLUT FOR BASKIN ROBBINS" The bar just looked at us horrified.
I bought the restaurant a boat airhorn to wake up sleeping employees.
I love you
You can't go around chasing people and screaming JUST LET ME LOVE YOU. We're in a public place.
There is a dude with blue hair and a samurai sword and another dude dressed as Dead Pool. I daresay standard social conventions are not applicable in this environment.
I don't know why, but whenever I shave my balls I feel more aerodynamic.
Randomize
