had no condoms so I just made do with an empty doritos bag.
I literally made his dick bleed. How the fuck do you think it went?
she tried giving me head in the pool. it was more entertaining than pleasurable
My kindergarten teacher served me... All coming full circle
I almost shit my pants in anger over your moral sanity.
Did you sleep with Connor? And who undressed me? There's a picture of two guys peeing out my bedroom window. What happened?
You're in a tuxedo, you can pee wherever you want.
I fucking give up. OKC is where small penises go to disappoint me.
I found your knife. It was stuck in my bedroom ceiling.
I'm really glad that we can be casual hook up buddies. This is a true friendship. Now, please convince your roommate to do the same. Thanks.
you didn't want to pay for the shots so you negotiated with the bartenders. Apparently 1 shot is worth 5 seconds of motor-boating you.
Dude, just found out there's a monster in a video game named after me. No more dating nerds.
He said "you speak American pretty good for a Canadian" and it took everything in me to still fuck him. Dry spell ended btw
the people next to us at the red light cheered for you while you puked out the window...
I can tell that I'm high when listening to celine dion becomes such a life changing experience
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