I just typed 14 shots of Smirnoff into my calorie count toolbar. Then typed pole dancing 1.5hrs into the calorie burner search. Should break even.
trust me, there is no more disappointing feeling in the world than waking up at 4 in the morning with a random half naked chick in your bed and then realizing your roommates girlfriend just wandered into the wrong room.
I've been meaning to ask you. The first night in the city did we do key bumps with a suicidal homeless man? My memory is fuzzy
I suppose drinking a cosmo at lunch alone can't look good but I mean... sometimes it's just necessary
Managed to discreetly puke out of a moving streetcar window, in front of no less than a dozen people. Nobody saw/said anything. I feel like a legit local now.
He was pretty wasted I guess, but the crippled guy threw the first punch it was awesome
Like I said I'm looking on the bright side. The bright side just happens to be filled with penis attached to hot marines
this relationship shit is hard. like i'd like to be able to watch veep without him trying to dry hump me. also im drunk and its 11 am so
This time last year I was crying in a church parking lot without shoes or a bra, so the years can only go up from here
YOURE ABOUT TO SEE SO MUCH UNCIRCUMCISED DICK
I'm at that point in my life where stripping isn't the worst thing I would do for money
Want to come over and dangle your tits on top of me like a skewer?
The first thing he said was that my underwear smelled like Trix but then he looked up at me and whispered "Silly rabbit, vagina is for me."
they were drunk. and loud. and now they're drunk and quiet. or dead, you never know.
I woke up alone, naked in her bed staring at a lifesize poster of edward cullen,actually I'm lying I did have socks on
Randomize
