one word: firstdatebathroomanal
ugh, i have officially sinned in all of my cute clothes. i can't even wear any of them without feeling regret.
Every morning i wake up and check his twitter like a horoscope
Talking to this girl is like playing minesweeper on hard. There's red flags everywhere.
"must pass the hog line" should not only be used in curling. but also when we go out to pick up girls.
He just said "wow, thats some rly nice hair! And those teeth..thosee are some cool teeth"
Dave a horae rider a coqw boy
Petting the cat and listening to "you've got a friend". This is why I smoke weed. To make sense of situations like this.
Just lifeguarded a kid's party hungover so I could afford to go out drinking tonight. Circle of life shit goin on here.
I partied with a deaf mute last night. strangely enough the more drunk I get the easier it is to understand him.
There's no discreet way to sneak a cucumber into the shower lol
I offered the opportunity to grope my boobs for pints. Two girls took me up.
You used a fucking bud light like as lube last night. I'd get a UTI test like stat.
How do u explain to your grandma that your relationship status is hooking up with randoms at a bar
If you sleep with him I will stab you int the uterus with a pitchfork.
Prepare the pitchfork.
Randomize
