i actually looked down at my cock today and said "whoa buddy, you need a haircut....(grimace) and a shower"
But, I don't have the body of a porn star, so nobody would hire me. Unless they're doing like a trip to the safari and they need an albino rhino
Todays outfit involves shorts with embroidered fish. This kids gonna die.
I wonder if they've ever made a porno about the song "she'll be comin' round the mountain when she comes"
she found me naked passed out on the toilet and i just kept repeating "i'm like elvis, but not dead."
Definitely just said "no homo" to our gay waiter at Cheesecake Factory...our service has steadily declined since.
You need to braveheart it on Monday. Blue face paint and a loin cloth screaming freedom in your front yard.
btw I told him that the only way he was gonna get to eat you out was if he smothered your vag with grits..
The whole bar erupted and in happiness and confusion as I went on about pancakes.
I need thought I would ever have to use the phrase "Don't fart on that Calzone".. Thanks for that
I let him stay at my place since i had to work early and when i got home there was a fruit snack wrapper in my bed. I dont have any fruit snacks. Which means he brought his own fruit snacks to the fuck session.
I'm saying "I told you so" now so that I don't slow down to say it on the way to grab the fire extinguisher
I can't tell if my need for dick is more than my want to strangle him
A girl I had a drunken hook up with is on interventon right now
She put her coat on went to leave and called me an asshole. I responded with "I never said I wasn't" and then she pounced on me like a cat on cat nip.
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