Hey sorry i havent responded. i threw up on my phone while i was sleeping
Fuck the gym. I just shaved m'cooch and my pants now fit looser.... Dont judge me.
if we dont hook up this weekend, im doing both his roommates
I'm naked in the window of the hotel and I feel like I'm walking in slow motion like a robot
I want to hump her dimples until her face caves in.
So many issues. You honestly need help.
OMG HIS EYES ARE POOLS OF SEX. HOT SEX.
We have 24 days left before I leave for college and 21 condoms left in the stockpile. Are you up for the challenge?
And then he said "if you were planning on bird feeding me that's not ok"
Yeah its great. Whenever we want a new bowl we hand it to Trevor and he clears it in one hit. Definitely one of the benefits to having a swimmer in your circle.
Sorry I couldn't make it...got a scrambled voicemail, all I heard was "Bring the dildo"
It hurts to hear and I can smell shapes.
By 9 pm this evening I'll have accomplished smashing with two different guys in two different time zones in the same day.
Stay hydrated
Making friends with the guy who had alcohol-infused whipped cream was the best decision I made all night.
Hey. I hope you have enough room in your car for me and a Honda civic front bumper.
Pretty sure he proposed because my house is awesome. His ass is a ten and he's offering to pay more than half the bills... How expensive is a divorce really? I mean I could probably put up with him for three or four years but a lifetime is a big ask.
Randomize
