Ok seriously, can we bring back badminton?
Do you have any idea why the dryer isn't working?
Because you touch yourself at night.
Just got my cast off. My occupational therapist wants me to self-gratify. My clit is about to have an awesome weekend...
What did he say? I couldn't hear him over the sound of how awesome his beard is.
OMG HIS EYES ARE POOLS OF SEX. HOT SEX.
Your ankle brace is here and the saw is charged. Grab some vodka that cast is coming off tonight.
Going to be a long day. text me later. Sorry I puked in your sink.
She looks well worn, presumably from a cavalcade of penis.
You just want to live out all your fuck fantasies with all these girls through me. I know your game. Well played sir.
Update: the condoms are expired and Canadians are NOT to be trusted!
I puked in the back of my mom's new car because I had too much to drink at Chilis. I think I just hit rock bottom.
I told him I want him to read me my Miranda rights while he's fucking me. Act exactly like he does while he's on duty except with his dick out.
You kept singing "your gonna lose that girl" to him right in front of her.. of course you got punched in the face.
You were in the back of the cop car and told the cop to ask me if I got laid. Youre a dedicated wingman.
Fucking hate kids. In particular I hate our kids.
Randomize
