I am so horny I keep driving over the rumble strips... best half hour ever.
she just made me lysol my hands in order to touch her tits.
I need a leather bustier to keep them in.
Too kinky for 11:30am. Stop that.
Well the weddings in 4 days so I already got the eightball lined up and the wii fit all warmed up. Still wanna bet I wont lose 20 pounds by the wedding?
I just saw a dude sitting IN a bush, weeping and playing a harmonica. I hope your day is going better than his.
I put the condom across her upper lip. It was like a mustache of a job well done.
I sent him a picture of my boobs instead of saying good morning. I'm trying to tell him how I feel in a language he'll understand.
"Work from home" is code for "morning drinks" right?
you made me suck your tit in the car and kept saying "good boy. I love you so much. good boy."
I woke up and my backpack was empty. He used me for sex, and back to school supplies.
Drunk me really does appreciate that sober me made a list of movies to watch when drunk it saves so much time
I don't know what you slipped me, but my TV is vomming blood right now. Thanks, jerkoff.
yeah, i'm probably gonna die. still gonna be totally worth it tho
That's brilliant but could get us arrested. Give me shots until I shout LET'S DO THIS
I did a line off of, and then danced on top of a table older than this country.
Harvard is great.
Randomize
