12 pack with dinner. Living by yourself is awesome.
you told him you liked to chip your nail polish to look like different countries. im gonna guess that no, you didn't sleep with him.
My dick just stopped my iPhone from falling into the toilet.
im so poor im using the bottom of my laptop to heat my food.
should i be impressed or disgusted that i was spitting glow-in-the-dark?
In chronological order you drank, sang, smoked, napped, threw up, cried, laughed, described your pubic area, passed out. You have abused the privilege to use me as your D.D.
I am the worst sexter. i actually told him .. if i had a penis, it would be hard right now. BTW thats a turn off.
Imagine getting a FB inbox "hey I found your ID on the floor of a bar can you send me a mugshot so I can get a second piece of ID made?"
I just sold my hat for three car bombs. I call that a win.
I've already come to terms that I'm gonna have to bone a few gross librarians, but hey, it's college
i don't find him as attractive when he's dressed as himself...bring back Indiana jones and I would so fuck him again
1. Why did we have the team Chirstmas party in November 2. Why didn't anyone tell me the coaches were invited 3. Why did coach get the giant vibrator I brought
So you've been sexting me while spending time with your family
I'm a family man but I have priorities
He asked the waiter, at 6:40 am, drunk, if they served alcohol. After he said no, he's like 'well, I guess we can eat then.'
My books smell like weed. What does that tell you about my college experience?
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