I made weed fried chicken. What have you done today?
Can't show you right now as we are in public and he refuses to let me photograph his penis in a bar.
remember that response paper i wrote naked, at 745am still drunk with a naked dude in my bed? yeah, totally got an a- on that. and he loved my insight.
I think my vagina was keeping me fat all these years out of self preservation. It's like she knew what would happen if I lost the weight.
College freshman give noticeably better blowjobs by the 5th week of the semester.
just puked a little into my hand/sleeve. way too hungover for the first day of class
I'll be really easy to find... I'm the naked one rolling around in cats.
I cried singing "call me maybe" on the way home from the bar. What the fuck
This drive is very scenic
And I'm chugging whiskey in the back
As you should, soak in all this country has to offer
He made a playlist to use during sex...that ended with The Ultimate Warrior's entrance music.
You kidnapped her dog. I don't care that you and the dog are epic bros, that's just not cool. Return him.
I had a glass of wine for breakfast. It's gonna be a rough week.
Scientific fact: if he makes a face like a demonic dog when he's fucking you, makes it easier to fuck without feelings.
the staff put glowsticks in the urinals of the porta-pottys last night and honestly drunk me has never been more grateful for anything in his life
i think i left you like a 5 minute message about the mcchicken burger i was eating. I think I called wanting sex but the mcchicken burger was a lot more seducing.
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