If I'm going to go gay, i'm not going to go for a tiny dick.
Two girls I have never met just thumb wrestled to decide who gets to make out with me.
I lost my phone so I put sticky notes all over my roommates body asking her to wake me up at 7:00 AM.
I couldn't sleep so I drunk ellipticaled for an hour. Worst. Idea. Ever.
I'm just gonna plan on never getting a bf. everything I touch turns to gay
i ended up playing naked naked monopoly and hangman with my dealer. i really love my life.
I just totok an inventory of my purse: 1 apple, 1 pair of underwear, 7 condoms, $18 in ones, a check with "for sexual healing" in the subject line, and a 4 oz bottle of wine.
Oh! and a letter from a judge saying I got an interview. Cause that balances it out.
Ok. You have started something that can only end with a picture of the inside of my butthole. It may happen today or next year, but it's on my agenda.
Don't shower too much, need the shame to be fresh to get the best story
Dude, I woke up with wet dollar bills in my boxers where did you take me???
He's so in love with you that you could fuck a blood relative and he'd be like "I just want you to be happy"
When you didn't respond I figured you must be busy so I'm home in my pj's 2 beers in and stoned from weed I got from my gaybours. They also gave me cake. I'm not moving from this recliner.
So...I maybe walked across campus last night with my life size Joe Biden cut out.
Watching South Park, doing sit-ups and drinking tequila. In other words, my night is going pretty good.
I got there and she was on her balcony drinking out of a bottle of vodka and smoking a cigar.
Randomize
