I knew I was in the wrong bar when "I have a daughter your age" was some random's pick up line.
We need to stop celebrating holidays that dont belong to us
So I feel bad, Ross is asking questions, I think they need to know it's a Spanish lesbian bar
Subtly mention that I'm not a lesbian. I would only go for rebecca's nipples because they're pierced and I like shiny things.
he's doing fine. just headbutted the wall and threw up
Are they engaged or just dating? Girlfriends come and go but the memory of sex at the pool last forever.
All inclusive resorts are actually just places that livers go to die.
that bad?
u-n-l-i-m-i-t-e-d. f-r-e-e. t-e-q-u-i-l-a.
If you hook up with a kid and the next day he breaks up with his girlfriend, those can be seen as two completely unrelated incidents right?!
I sleep texted my mom and asked her for a condom last night
There's times when I just want to bottle my farts for later they're so insane.
Now all I want to do is stay up, drink wine, and look at dragons.
Don't worry my mom is buying me a vasectomy for Christmas
I'm in my math teacher's garage hiding right now because I fucked his son last night. It's fine
Hi,\n\nYou left your underwear in my Uber. Thanks and bye.
The Adderall says yes, but my body says no.
Randomize
