did you know you can prarie-dog a fart??
i had 75 notifications coming from ur status. here i was thinking i had friends.
It was like a secret agent hookup. No names, swift execution, get in- get out.
turns out making maccaroni and cheese with whipped cream instead of butter is only good when your high
she won't take no for an answer... no matter what language i said it in
drunk tastebuds have low standards.
i'm not accepting baked goods from anyone for awhile. especially after the stalker pie.
I think I'm about to have sex with a second person before noon hehehhe! You're welcome America.
yeah, i'm not. but i'm ready for free bjs. it's just hard to find women who will give me a beej while i'm sobbing uncontrollably
But today feels so special with katie getting herpes and me cleaning my room. Good things are happening.
I texted him in the morning wishing him a day as spectacular as his dick was.
There are condoms rolled onto each bunny ear of the ears I was wearing last night
I can't really text bc it's too expensive but I thought youd like to know I just shit myself in a gift shop.
They don't really make a "hey I'm fucking your ex wife" card do they ?
Try me, you 5'5 gremlin
Randomize
