This is the last time I call a hotel to see if you or some random guy paid for the room last night.
They peed on our pledges last night... i dont know if i should put an lol at the end of that or not
Just saw a bouncer shoot a stripper with a squirt gun. He looked at me n said,"gotta keep em in check." I'm in love with this place
you can add "aspirated seaman" to the list of things your sister has been admitted to the hospital for
Made a visit to my old puking stall. I missed it.
Wednesday. Otherwise known, to you at least, as "there are two gay men in my bed" day.
Just wondering did you put mouse traps and brownies on my porch?
No, no, we have to calibrate. What is the maximum amount of trouble we can get into without going to jail?
A BJ like that needs to be recommended.
I've been up for almost three hours and it took me until JUST NOW to figure out that what I'm tasting isn't blood, just the minerals in the water. Fuck hangovers, man.
A man in a black on black escalade pulled up next to me, and told me he was sent to pick me up by you.
His name is Tyreece. He will take you to the weed emporium, population me.
I just don't remember. It's like I went to bed on July 3rd.. and woke up on the 5th. Nothing.
This time last year, you were undressing me from my gecko costume and getting freaky in a public bathroom. Tough to top that New Years Eve.
I guess I was running around slapping people in the face with a slice of turkey telling them that the only way to beat alcohol addiction is to go cold turkey.
Jus had a dream that I borrowed bob dylans car to save us from a pack of raptors. Pretty stoked about it.
Randomize
