Excuse me do you have gonnorhea?
I'm home now. bring me food and boobies
He went so fast i didnt even have time to pretend like i was about to have a fake orgasim
well this feels familiar. awake at the crack of dawn laying in the fetal position praying for the sweet release of death. i think im done with jager for a while
there is no way i'm buying plan b and condoms at the same time
no do it! it shows that you acknowledge your mistakes and you are proactively working towards a solution.
I cannot believe I said bareback movement...
Showed up 2 hours late and still drunk nobody gave me a high five. This intership is bullshit.
Hey I have your shoes. Do you remember shouting "Police brutality!" when the bouncer was kicking you out last night?
Just pretend you're riding a unicorn through space. Thats how I deal with the stirrup situation at the gyno office.
Know what was probably a bad idea? Using white wine as a mixer for vodka.
Is the party worth it?
I am drink. Beer pony and singing.
Sent nudes to my best friend's boyfriend and mom last night. So I'm coping with that on top of my hangover this morning
I just my had my first cup of coffee in a week. I think I might orgasm.
Hey now one little girl thought it was cool I was covered in blood. Apparently according to her Mom she wants to be a surgeon when she grows up
I just got dumped by my fuck buddy. Now I have to have sex with my husband.
Randomize
