one might say we're banned from that church
I just found 'pokemon orgy' in my search history
home. puking in laundry basket.
If its allowed to Tornado at 830am then Im allowed to have a beer and a cigarette at 830am
Of course he wants me there for his birthday. If a girl offers you a blowjob for every year of your life, you're gonna want her to be there.
He chucked my pickle at the bouncer. Fucker, I wanted that.
There was a dismembered bleeding penis in my dream last night. That's some serious Freudian shit.
Today wasn't Sunday Funday, it was more like Sunday god is taking a shit on my life day
He had really great hair, but he told me he's been in a psych ward three times. I mean I know I'm a psych major, but that's too much.
She came out of my bathroom wearing nothing but high top Converse, a leather jacket and a tongue stud. I love rock bars.
I'll call you on my way home
Oh my god I'm going to die between now and then... can you at least tell me if y'all hooked up???
He's getting so into these sexts, I hate to tell him I'm fully clothes, watching Bring It On and eating chips and salsa.
Hey, I left a taco in your dishwasher.
Wait an hour then go and untie him. Bring toilet paper and some spare underwear. Want anything from Starbucks?
Fuck it, I work hard. I deserve nice sex toys
Randomize
