the cashier at riteaid just made the sign of the cross before he rang up my pregnancy test. now i know god is on my side
No one goes out in public like that, unless they do anal
Don't take this the wrong way but I just mistook a trash can for you
she did 8 shots of vodka. THROUGH A SIPPY STRAW
I have got to meet this girl.
He's so hot and there's so much R Kelly and vodka I think I might die.
Passed out mid cig in bed last night. Thank you cough for allowing me legal prescription hydrocodone.
Whatever, I used my iphone to send an Escalade to pick up a booty call last week. For free. It is futuristic as fuck out here.
Good thing I left work early to shave my balls because traffic sucked ass, which I was written up for and my reason on the write was "to close on time, have to shave balls for date tonight". Oh yea, that was a bold statement right there
dude, where are you? this beer run has taken so long i read war and peace, took a nap, and shaved 3 times.
He wanted me to choke him with my feet. So now I feel obligated to start writing my memoir
That portion can talk about stepping out of your comfort zone and how it can potentially kill people
He has a bathrroom scale in his room with an alarm attached to it so anything over 150 sets it off and in his drinking stupper he can make a run for it.
He told me to take off work and bring a bathing suit. If this doesn't involve six flags hurricane harbor or sex in a hotel pool I'm going to be disappointed.
I'm still laying in bed cuz I don't feel like adulting yet
If you don't believe in my fighting skills, I don't know if we can be together
I have only been here for a week and might contributed to a dumpster fire on accident.
Randomize
