Too late, the blunt's already in my cleavage
day 8: i just gave goat a piece of pineapple soaked in rum. as an animal science major, im ashamed. as a normal person, it was awesome.
Screw it. I'll show up in a white dress with a sign that says " I fucked the groom and it wasn't that great."
I can't even look at my running shoes. I swear I drank more in the last 2 days than the last 6 months combined
She spilled creme de menthe on her crotch and I told her she looked like a menstruating Vulcan (costume idea!). Obviously, I went home alone.
An don't say it's "personal preference" cause I don't buy it. I just want to have normal cool guy balls. I don't want to be the dude that's still rocking the equivalent of the "mid 90's bowl cut" of scrotum haircuts.
My dad just bought me a 40. I consider this our peace treaty.
How bad would it be if I asked him for my "ho ho ho" thong back? They're my fav christmas pair!
I was in a penguin suit. Dick out. I am confident in the value of my pic.
I just blacked back in and I'm at a kids birthday party in a suit and people are calling me uncle Carl. Never having your homemade liquor again.
Not sure if buying Twisted Teas for the alcoholics posted up outside the gas station counts as paying it forward but I am optimistic.
I forgot to tell you that he serenaded me with "Fuck Her Gently" by Tenacious D. And I didn't hate it.
It was a strange night. I made out with his college roommate and said "do you care?" beforehand.
Officially not baby mama #3. Celebration is in order.
Just come here quick. I'm home in 3min. It will take you literally less than 5 to walk. Then 2 to undress, 16 to fuck, 2 to dress again and 5 to walk back..!!
exactly 16 eh??
Randomize
