she wants me to text her or call her all the time when we are apart...this is not high school...
life is sad when you just turned 21 and youre doing late night rogaine runs...
My mom just asked me if I was gay in front of my gf
I mean what are real friends for if they won't hold down your wedding dress to allow for a keg stand
Your "OraGel will numb anything" theory was the worst thing I ever believed in.
I drunken agreed to go wedding dress shopping with a stranger at the bar yesterday. She sent me an email asking what days I am free.
Is it sad that I have better conversations with his roommate before or after sex than I do with him in general?
I don't remember what you were saying to me in the bathroom. But whatever it was, yes, because i remember nodding a lot.
My booty call just moved 2 min from my house
This has pregnancy written all over it
I have a high opinion of you, you smash bitches. Respect.
If you don't see me at the bar tomorrow night, I was most likely captured by the communists.
You are in my phone as "Thigh Gap" and you apparently work for "DO NOT DRUNK TEXT, INC." That is why I called you six times last night. So unless you take a second job at "NO DRUNK DIALING LLC" expect more. PS I am sober so this is legit.
I'd like to buy a season pass to your dick please.
I can't. I'm going camping this weekend. I do have a life outside of your dick.
If sleeping with your boss doesnt scream job security i dont know what does.
Randomize
