I would like to remind you that Mike's hard lemonade only goes good with an extra light cigarette and seminal fluid.
things I have learned from cosmo today- 40% of guys are uncircumsized, you can have a beer facial, and i really need to get tested for std's
Well, I can't relate. I have no idea what it feels like to withhold sex. Or have self-control in general.
so, are you laying bloody on campus somewhere or did you go out after class and forget to let me know?
bloody. ill be home soon.
She just said, "are my livers going to die?"
I don't go on dates. I watch tv and play with dicks. dinner is a situation.
Just finished putting caution tape around the tv. Sober me needs to prepare.
I'm covered in sharpie and the girl next to me just said something smells like fried food. Hint: it's me. Why am I in class?
You were sitting on the filthy kitchen floor eating a packet of grated cheese, and you were crying because you couldn't find any cheese.. I'd say our party was a success.
Breakfast of champions
Is that a dick crepe?
It is indeed
I went over to help her build a porch, but we decided that was too much work, so we just got high and watched Scooby Doo
I've spent all afternoon taking and editing selfies. The life of a bimbo is truly tiring.
Could you just like have a friend who feels bad for me and secretly always wanted to have sex with me
Dude, I'm thinking today is Single as Fuck Friday because that's how I'm feeling
i have two papers due tomorrow. contemplating if i should take adderall in my anus for full effects
Randomize
