Do you think my bosses would frown upon Jameson with breakfast on this holiest of days?
this kid woke up on our hotel floor and doesnt know how he got here
on my way back.. me and that kid will be great friends
At the hospital. Forgot we locked Eric out of the house last night as a joke. Hypothermia's a bitch.
I just took a shit with a lightsaber in my hand. Dreams fulfilled.
He's dressed as a power ranger handing out cocaine
As I type I'm climbing my cousins swingset so I can take a nap inside the slide. Fuck this hangover. I always win.
Slow dancing with the chandelier.
Random Survey Question: If things start getting serious with this cop, do I have to stop doing coke?
Just woke up in my fuck buddies bed with, from the looks of her ass and side boob, a girl that is not my fuck buddy. This should be interesting
I woke up in the basement of a pizza restaurant... I would say the tequila hit me pretty hard.
Drunk me started making nachos apparently but never got to the part with the cheese. There are chips everywhere
I fucked R2D2 last night. I consider Star Wars day a success.
I quit doing blow for him. If that doesn’t say “I’m in love with you and want to marry you” idk what does
Kay so its 9 am whose dumbass is gunna act sober to buy pizza rolls
Dude you promised
It's to the point where if a guy can so much as find my clit, I'll consider him amazing in bed
Randomize
