Sometimes I wish there were a little bird hiding that would periodically go, "creep-per."
just got a hand job during a movie in class today is gonna be great!
dpoing straight shots of jhameson. boys are imp ressed. i apologize
def just vomited mimosa in the gym trashcan. i weigh less already so i say its been a solid workout.
just got dressed up for chatroulette- THAT desperate.
sometimes i think i'm bisexual but then i realize the only girl i'm attracted to is myself.
Ive been sitting around naked watching magic on youtube.
Their wedding is on my 21st birthday. I fail to see a way that this could end poorly.
bottle of wine in one hand cigar in the other. 5 am. topless on our fire escape. and she cleaned our bathroom... i like his new girlfriend.
The cops walked in and cracked up bec he was passed out on the couch in a pink tutu.
We were wearing togas. So having sex was really easy to do without taking any clothes off.
Threw up in hyvee parking lot. Thanksgiving shopping complete.
Which one of you drunk assholes put a parental lock on my cable box last night? More importantly, what's the pin? I'm missing the UK game.
Literally I woke up the other day and the girl part of me was like “GET CUFFED MOTHERFUCKER” and I went ham on tinder.
If I don't wake up tomorrow you inherit my paycheck and can only spend it at cinnabon
Randomize
