I didn't go out last night, but I dreamed that I blacked out and the *CRAZY* thing I did was to eat 12 cupcakes off 12 diff plates and stack them up neatly. If I had a life, I'd hate it.
I'm not upset with you; I'm upset with Fox News.
The wedding was scheduled to start 5 min. ago. 20 people here so far, groomsmen in tees and jeans, catering by Costo. NO ONE OUR AGE IS READY FOR MARRIAGE!
so today in my theology class we brought up the proper way to have sex. so rough sex was said by the teacher...I said I know a girl that likes to be choked. sorry but everyone knew it was you
Boys can't fool me. I know "want to come up and meet my dogs?" is just a nondirect way of saying "come up and meet my penis".
Aaaaand I just watched him face plant in front of the taxi. This is why we don't invite him to margarita night.
I just creeped on air mattress guy's facebook and discovered his ex is the trifecta of evil: tiny, cute, and blonde.
Last night did I take a piece of pizza out of your hand and then proceed to eat it?
Twice...
Yeah i just finished watching someone play ping pong with his penis it didn't fully register until after a few seconds
Me and Jason had to grab your legs and arms and drag you in the house. You kept screaming "leave me for dead"
And at the semi-adult age of 25 I have shit my pants. Not even drunk, just really late to work. Is this real life?
Only I would get an underage 24 hours before turning 21.
I woke up an hour ago with orange fingers and a condom stuck to my head.. Wtf just happened?
She was riding a razor scooter down the street wearing nothing but a feather boa it was beautiful.
I'm just really glad SD weather is so erratic so I can get away with wearing a scarf in May to cover up these hickeys.
Randomize
