Well apparently he's into motor boating.
Let's perk you up. I have a good PG joke and a picture of my penis while urinating. You pick.
I told her I had to go to work this morning, got fully dressed in a suit, walked her out, drove around the block, parked, and walked right back in my apt and went back to sleep..
i'm out of college. that means no more sex on a twin bed. ever. i don't care how big his dick was. i'm classy like that.
She looked at my facebook and decided to bump the security deposit up an extra 250...now we have to destroy the house, its expected and I wouldn't want to disappoint
You obviously dont comprehend the level of insane i operate at
I have a physical this friday. On a scale from 1-10, 10 being the most judgemental gay bashing, how much judgement am I gonna get from my dr when he checks my balls and sees the cherry tattoo
I cannot believe this. A potential 2016 Olympiad wants my vag. To which I respond "GO FOR THE GOLD"
you have to be that girl in the audience holding up the sign that says i fucked the shit out of you
i wear a size 32DD bra. its basically impossible for me to get a speeding ticket
I told her I was going to sleep early last night. I probably should not have sent that snapchat of us playing beer pong.
Gramp just called her sex-on-a-stick. AKA HE CALLED HER A WHORE. My 75 year old grandfather just called your ex's new thing a whore.
I refuse to answer that question on the grounds that it may incriminate me
Sorry about the confusion with the nudes last night that was rude
She used a candle as a shot glass.. A FUCKING CANDLE BRO!!
wheres my face? and why is my pocket so big?
Randomize
