if i can run in heels then i can drive
A stripper just got mad at me for saying goddammit. She's in no position to lecture me on morality
i am about to cut my stepbrother's hair into a mohawk with the same clippers i use to trim my pubes. god is so on my side today.
At what point in time did you think it was ok to jizz in my hair while I slept??
Around the time you told me my brothers dick was bigger.
couldnt find a condom. used a surgical glove instead. actually worked and the sex was great. thanks nursing school
Seeing a catheter being inserted into a penis severely diminished my sex life
I'm going to make him fall in love with me one blow job at a time.
sorry for allegedly lighting the beer pong balls of fire
By the way, I'm pretty sure your husband is publicly advocating more BJs for my husband, via Facebook.
I just watched in amazement as you had a full conversation about water temperature and bacteria with your pet goldfish.
I convinced a German girl that I was born while my mom was water skiing and I preceded to barefoot ski behind her via the umbilical cord...
Well you fished my watch out of a possibly vomit filled toilet so I think we're bros now.
My balls are resting on a block of frozen cheese in a sealed bag
My neighbors are white girl rapping to Hamilton again...
Apparently 'ewww' is not the correct response to him saying he has to go to a funeral while I'm there.
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