Woke up to a denim duvet cover this morning... why r guys so tacky?
So what if i'm late to spanish tomorrow. who the hell cares. i don't even speak spanish.
decided to have an easter egg hunt this year. the golden egg has weed in it and all the others have shots of vodka. who said we were too old for easter?!?
He just reenacted his orgasm in front of my roommates....using a squeeze bottle of mayonnaise.
dont be like that, i wasnt picking him over you. I was picking multiple orgasms over zoolander.
It was only 12:11 and I needed to make a Pepto Latte and call it a night, I don't remember that being part of my new years resolution.
I'm pretty sure they had a hash wedding cake. I love college weddings.
The leasing office is hiring, so I gave them my resume and class schedule. I doubt they'll call me considering last summer at their "exotic animal" pool party I marched in with a funnel and demanded the employees chug. I doubt they've forgotten.
We took it as we must go to waffle house or else we will upset the gods.
I just picked up a hitchhiker so karma will be on our side this weekend. Hahahahahaha
No.
Your dick is going to fall off. Be careful or you'll get callouses. A workingman's dick.
My boss just lit a candle and said a prayer to get laid tonight ..
I never thought that at some point in my life I would end up in the back of a cop car dressed as Pumba #HakunaMatata
I came in like 30 seconds, and my dog got to watch me take the walk of shame to the bathroom to clean up. All in all, not my best performance.
how soon in a friendship can you start calling them a motherfucker
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