I don't usually arrange sex via text message
We were chasing that deer in the quad and next thing I remember I woke up in my RAs bed. I'm probably in trouble.
Apparently throwing up on your own cape is still a party foul
When you're on the hood of a car, 10 mph feels pretty fucking fast.
Passed out for 3 hrs til now to wake up naked on my bed covered with grass from drunk slip and slide I would call that success
She was doing lines off of her friends boobs in the limo at 9 oclock on a thursday This has the potential to be the best weekend ever
She got stuck in the front door. She never told me how or why.
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
He sent me a poorly photoshopped picture of his shaved dick wearing a Hot Dog on A Stick titled "Shorndog"...
I just need like a magic vacuum to suck everything out of me and then an IV to put good stuff back in
I think we r still a few steps from ex sex. In fact, that's never going to happen. I'm just saying on the seething-chemical-fire-of-emotional-distress-to-post -relationship-intercourse scale, I'm closer to fucking than throttling. Progress is fun.
I got drunk and tried to make special rice krispie treats, but I made a mess and they were all stuck to my hands, so I just decided to eat my way out of the catastrophe and I think shit's about to get even weirder than usual.
He's still short.... And probably a douchebag. But if we ever run into him downtown I fully encourage you to take him home and have "I hate you douchebag" sex and lick every inch of that disgustingly toned chest.
He used his penis as a drumstick on my back and had me guess what song he was playing.
It should be perfectly legal to tase anyone not wearing a mask.
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